I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
