i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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