There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Green mimosas i think yes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
