Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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