Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
