I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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