I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
