Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
two words...techno handjob
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize