My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
