Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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