Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize