When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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