Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
