I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
