I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
