so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
