you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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