As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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