i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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