Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize