matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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