Got a toothbrush?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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