considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
