Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
