Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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