Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
