I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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