He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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