Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
