Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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