Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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