Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
