if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
