i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
