Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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