I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
