Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize