"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
wow bdsm is so cute
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