Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Jerry, you need to find god
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
