I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
