i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
