talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize