What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
