did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
