the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
