I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
