apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
