You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
