literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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