did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
