I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
