i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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