He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
