U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
