dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
