Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
