they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
