i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
