every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
