She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
