he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
