so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
