You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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