This dress was meant to end up on your floor
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
