there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
