That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Two words: blizzard sex
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
