is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
