whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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