his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize