So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
